Even as dating apps bloom, some singles still say yes to matchmakers
Dating apps may have become an increasingly attractive platform for singles, but the idea of joining a dating agency and enlisting a professional matchmaker to help find that special someone still strikes a chord with some in Singapore.
By Tang See Kit, Channel NewsAsia Posted 15 Feb 2017 20:22 Updated 15 Feb 2017 20:45
SINGAPORE: It was about four years ago when Mr John Gan* first thought about settling down after seeing his close friends get hitched and start their own families.
But as thoughts of leaving the singles club emerged, the 33-year-old nurse realised that a dwindling social circle stood in his way. Having spent “little time and effort on dating in the past”, the Singaporean decided it was time to change things.
Taking on a proactive approach to make new friends, Mr Gan signed up with dating agencies and also gave free dating apps a go. But the endless swiping of profiles and little opportunities for real-life interaction on the latter proved to be an underwhelming experience and Mr Gan opted to “go aggressive” on speed-dating events organised by local matchmaking agencies.
“I was quite nervous before my first speed-dating event so I went to research what these events are like and read the book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ to prepare myself,” he recalled. “After going a few more times, I slowly got the hang of it. It can be tiring and disappointing if you don’t meet someone … but if you don’t try, you will never succeed.”
Mr Gan is not alone. While dating apps have become an increasingly attractive platform to seek love and friendship, there are still plenty of singles in Singapore who prefer joining a dating agency or enlisting the help of a professional matchmaker.
According to a spokesperson from the Social Development Network (SDN), there has been “continued need and demand for offline dating platforms” even as the growing variety of dating apps and online platforms provide a convenient avenue for tech-savvy and busy singles to connect.
Last year, the number of events organised by the 13 dating agencies accredited by SDN rose 23 per cent to 642, compared with 524 events in 2015. Correspondingly, the event participation rate in 2016 increased by 21 per cent to 15,393 participants from a year ago.
According to local agencies that Channel NewsAsia spoke to, this demand indicates that while mobile-based apps such as Tinder have gaained a tremendous following among the younger generation, they have had limited success in courting singles above 30 years old who tend to prefer offline dating.
DATING OFFLINE
At GaiGai – the matchmaking arm of homegrown dating app Paktor that offers both event-based and one-on-one private dates – the mean age of a member is between 30 and 31 years old, said co-founder Alex Tam. The average Paktor user is 25 years old and below.
In fact, the offline arm was set up two years ago to meet user demands that Paktor – despite its rising popularity – was struggling to meet.
“We noticed there were some Paktor users who have not been very successful. There are those who can’t seem to find a match or convert matches into dates, and there are some who are too busy to swipe through profiles… so we thought maybe we could curate this process for these groups of people and turn it into actual dates,” said Mr Tam. GaiGai, which means “going out” in Cantonese, now has a member base of 12,000 people, making it one of the biggest dating agencies locally.
(L to R) Ms Anisa Hassan, managing director of It's Just Lunch Asia,; Mr Alex Tam, co-founder of GaiGai; Ms Michelle Goh, founder of CompleteMe. (Photo: Tang See Kit)
Ms Michelle Goh, founder of events-based agency CompleteMe, described older singles as being more ready to commit and settle down. Hence dating events, which allow for face-to-face interaction, have been viewed as a better way for singles to find like-minded individuals.
“Given that they have to put in the effort to find an event to attend, register, make payment and then dress up for the occasion, these are people who tend to be genuinely looking for someone, rather than having a ‘see see, look look’ attitude,” said Ms Goh, who added that the number of active participants for CompleteMe’s 150 events annually has “increased steadily to almost 3,000” in 2016.
Over at It’s Just Lunch Asia, it is the guarantee of privacy and a human touch in its matchmaking process that have ensured sustained brisk business. According to managing director Anisa Hassan, the agency now has an active member base of 5,000 people and attracts an average of 800 new customers a year.
Apart from singles, the agency also has divorced or widowed clients who are willing to take a second chance at love but remain hesitant about putting themselves out there. “There are more people who are divorced and are stepping forward. They are the ones who want a real person whom they can build a relationship with and are wary of going online,” Ms Hassan said.
The agency, first launched in Singapore 13 years ago and which matchmakes professionals over a meal, also has a concierge-like service which involves Ms Hassan “headhunting” beyond the company’s database for the perfect match. For this elite service, the women pay S$5,000 for five dates while the men have to fork out S$10,000 for 10 dates.
“This started in 2014 when some of my male clients approached me to help them date more exclusively. These are managing directors or CEOs who wanted me to go out and be their ears and eyes on the ground… now this is a human-intensive process that dating apps cannot do. While apps are there to disrupt, dating still requires the personal touch. We may be low-tech but we are high-touch.”
A profiling session at dating agency It's Just Lunch. (Photo: Tang See Kit)
STAYING ATTRACTIVE
Some dating agencies have also taken on what it calls an "activity-based approach" to event ideas – a move aimed at wooing singles who remain intimidated by formal dates with strangers and fun-loving twenty-somethings.
“Every time we conduct an event, our main objective is to make it a casual platform for people to meet,” Mr Tam from GaiGai said. While it has held large-group matchmaking events, the agency prides itself on “out-of-the-box” date ideas such as baking or terrarium workshops, hawker food trails where participants follow a designated route on cars provided by Uber and weekend getaways.
“We want to shift away from formal speed-dating events – something that the younger folks don’t seem to like. Instead of coming in with the idea of finding a life partner, come to make friends,” Mr Tam added.
CompleteMe, which has made its name in organising speed-dating events for the past seven years, has also introduced board gaming, karaoke and most recently, volunteering sessions to its mix. Such activities can serve as a much-needed distraction and help participants to “be less stressed out about having to impress one another”, Ms Goh said. Thus far, interest in these activity-based events has been strong, with participants mostly in their 20s and early 30s.
Ms Eileen Syn* has gone for several activity-based events, with the most recent being a singles trip to Malaysia, over the past two years and deem them as more enjoyable than speed-dating events. The 30-year-old who works in compliance, first went on speed-dating when she was 21 years old and remembered the sit-down event as being “awkward”.
“I was definitely hesitant at first because you don’t know what to expect but I thought I should be open-minded and just try. At least for these events, you get to meet people who most likely have the same interests or hobbies as you and if you don’t manage to meet anyone, you can still have fun,” she told Channel NewsAsia.
GaiGai's recent event at the S.E.A Aquarium attracted nearly 200 singles. (Photo: GaiGai)
WOOING TECHNOLOGY: YAY OR NAY
But even so, Ms Syn admits to feeling “jaded” from the dating events and has recently signed up with mobile-based app Coffee Meets Bagel where she has had a few dates with “more like-minded individuals”.
And with online dating platforms here to stay as an alternative, some dating agencies have sought to deal with the challenge of disruption head-on by rolling out their own apps. In the case of Lunch Actually, it has launched LunchClick and e-dating platform eSynchrony.
“When we first started the business, we knew that it wasn't going to be just lunch dating… Our vision from day one was very clear. We wanted to be the most effective dating service (and this) might mean different things for different people. And we also realised that it might change,” co-founder Violet Lim told 938Live’s “On The Record”.
“In the last 12 years, the Internet became a lot more pervasive and smartphones did too. We knew we had to move with the times, and we were, and still are very okay to create products or services that might even compete with our own existing products … Businesses are being disrupted every single day. If you still want to be around, you need to constantly innovate and you have to constantly disrupt yourself,” she added.
But while some new ventures have taken off, others have been less of a success.
In 2015, homegrown matchmaking agency Society W launched its own dating app called Blindfold. The app, accredited by SDN, offers a free daily match curated based on a proprietary algorithm. Profile pictures on the app are also blurred to ensure anonymity.
While the free app managed to chalk up five-digit downloads within a year, Ms Tse decided to call it quits last September, citing high costs as one of the key reasons.
“The app was weighing on our cost benefit and it was taking up too much of my time away from my core business of matchmaking,” said the Singaporean who founded Society W in 2011. “We did get quite good traction but there was the realisation that apps require a lot of marketing dollars to take off. If I’m not going to go down the route of massive fundraising then I should just focus on where my strength lies, which is matchmaking.”
But Ms Tse does not regret her venture into the app business, which was a “six-digit” investment. Describing it as a “learning opportunity”, she noted that while dating apps are also in the business of love, a matchmaking agency that ventures into online dating may not necessarily be having the best of both worlds.
“For an app to do well, you would want people to keep coming back but if you are interested in true matchmaking, you want people to pair up and not come back. So I don’t think the idea of doing matchmaking and building an app at the same time don’t really gel together,” she explained.
For Mr Gan, speed-dating is now a thing of the past after he met the girl of his dreams at an event organised by CompleteMe two years ago. The woman is now his fiancée and the couple has plans to register their marriage later this year.
Looking back on his quest for romance, he said: “If I have to choose, I still prefer a dating agency over an app because you can attend events and you get to see your date in person … I may have liked my (relationship) to be natural like everyone else’s, but there’s nothing wrong with either method.
“I’ve been telling my colleagues who are single to give it a try. It’s all about individual preferences and if you can’t get fish in this pond, you go to another.”
*The names of some dating agency members have been changed or abbreviated as they spoke to Channel NewsAsia on condition of anonymity.
- CNA/sk
- wong chee tat :)
Showing posts with label A Perfect Female Companion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Perfect Female Companion. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Monday, September 19, 2016
A match made by god at Yueh Hai Ching Temple
A match made by god at Yueh Hai Ching Temple
WONG PEI TING
wongpeiting@mediacorp.com.sg
PUBLISHED: 9:20 PM, SEPTEMBER 15, 2016UPDATED: 10:35 AM, SEPTEMBER 16, 2016
SINGAPORE — It was jackpot on the first try for a couple looking for true love with the help of the Chinese god of matchmatching at Singapore’s oldest Teochew temple, Yueh Hai Ching Temple.
To express their gratitude, Mr Mah Chun How, 34, and Ms Kang Say See, 29, tied the knot at the temple on Philip Street on Thursday (Sept 15), on the birthday of the Chinese love deity, Yue Lao, which coincides with the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Although the pair met two years ago through their relatives, Mr Mah believes it was the prayer they had separately made to Yue Lao at the same temple that sealed the match.
The software engineer had prayed to find a wife in January that year, and Ms Kang made her wish a month later. They were introduced by relatives in April and were dating soon after — initially without the knowledge they had both prayed to the same deity.
During one of their first date nights, Mr Mah noticed that Ms Kang’s hands were stained with red ink. “She told me it was residue left over from her holding joss sticks that day. I asked (her) which temple she went to, and she said, ‘A temple in Raffles Place’. I thought ‘No way!’,” said Mr Mah in Mandarin.
After more questions, Mr Mah discovered that she had gone to the temple at Philip Street to thank Yue Lao for blessing her with a boyfriend. It was then that he confessed that he, too, had recently prayed to the same Yue Lao.
Unlike Mr Mah, who had been a regular worshipper at the temple since he came to Singapore from Malaysia in 2001, Ms Kang heard about the temple from her friends.
The Perak-born accounts assistant had one relationship before, which did not work out, and one of her friends told her to try her luck by praying to Yue Lao — portrayed in Chinese folklore as an old man who unites all predestined couples with a silken cord.
Although there are at least three other temples in Singapore with the love deity, the Yue Lao at Yueh Hai Ching Temple is the most reputable for its high success rates with love and marriages. So for S$6, Ms Kang bought a prayer pack at the temple to pray for a boyfriend. It included a red thread that was to be placed over Yue Lao’s neck, some joss sticks and a paper to indicate her name.
With the deity playing such a crucial role in their union, Mr Mah and Ms Kang chose the temple for their solemnisation.
They were the first couple to solemnise their marriage in the 19th-century temple after the completion of its restoration in 2013.
Chairman of the Ngee Ann Kongsi’s Temple & Prayers Sub-Committee, Mr Lee Sean Wah, said: “I found (the request) most unusual and told them there are no monks in Yueh Hai Ching Temple. However our deities will bless them a happy marriage.” He was referring to a common practice where some temples have their monks give their blessings in a wedding.
He added: “After they told me their story, we found it fascinating and are delighted to facilitate the ceremony… After all, Yue Lao could be said to be the most ancient matchmaker!”
The Ngee Ann Kongsi had been the custodian of the temple since 1845. The temple was said to have started from a hut in the 1820s, and is home to deities like Xuan Tian Shang Di, Mazu and Zhu Sheng Niang Niang, who is believed to bless couples with children.
Asked if they would be praying to Zhu Sheng Niang Niang for a baby, Mr Mah said: “Right after this.”
- wong chee tat :)
WONG PEI TING
wongpeiting@mediacorp.com.sg
PUBLISHED: 9:20 PM, SEPTEMBER 15, 2016UPDATED: 10:35 AM, SEPTEMBER 16, 2016
SINGAPORE — It was jackpot on the first try for a couple looking for true love with the help of the Chinese god of matchmatching at Singapore’s oldest Teochew temple, Yueh Hai Ching Temple.
To express their gratitude, Mr Mah Chun How, 34, and Ms Kang Say See, 29, tied the knot at the temple on Philip Street on Thursday (Sept 15), on the birthday of the Chinese love deity, Yue Lao, which coincides with the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Although the pair met two years ago through their relatives, Mr Mah believes it was the prayer they had separately made to Yue Lao at the same temple that sealed the match.
The software engineer had prayed to find a wife in January that year, and Ms Kang made her wish a month later. They were introduced by relatives in April and were dating soon after — initially without the knowledge they had both prayed to the same deity.
During one of their first date nights, Mr Mah noticed that Ms Kang’s hands were stained with red ink. “She told me it was residue left over from her holding joss sticks that day. I asked (her) which temple she went to, and she said, ‘A temple in Raffles Place’. I thought ‘No way!’,” said Mr Mah in Mandarin.
After more questions, Mr Mah discovered that she had gone to the temple at Philip Street to thank Yue Lao for blessing her with a boyfriend. It was then that he confessed that he, too, had recently prayed to the same Yue Lao.
Unlike Mr Mah, who had been a regular worshipper at the temple since he came to Singapore from Malaysia in 2001, Ms Kang heard about the temple from her friends.
The Perak-born accounts assistant had one relationship before, which did not work out, and one of her friends told her to try her luck by praying to Yue Lao — portrayed in Chinese folklore as an old man who unites all predestined couples with a silken cord.
Although there are at least three other temples in Singapore with the love deity, the Yue Lao at Yueh Hai Ching Temple is the most reputable for its high success rates with love and marriages. So for S$6, Ms Kang bought a prayer pack at the temple to pray for a boyfriend. It included a red thread that was to be placed over Yue Lao’s neck, some joss sticks and a paper to indicate her name.
With the deity playing such a crucial role in their union, Mr Mah and Ms Kang chose the temple for their solemnisation.
They were the first couple to solemnise their marriage in the 19th-century temple after the completion of its restoration in 2013.
Chairman of the Ngee Ann Kongsi’s Temple & Prayers Sub-Committee, Mr Lee Sean Wah, said: “I found (the request) most unusual and told them there are no monks in Yueh Hai Ching Temple. However our deities will bless them a happy marriage.” He was referring to a common practice where some temples have their monks give their blessings in a wedding.
He added: “After they told me their story, we found it fascinating and are delighted to facilitate the ceremony… After all, Yue Lao could be said to be the most ancient matchmaker!”
The Ngee Ann Kongsi had been the custodian of the temple since 1845. The temple was said to have started from a hut in the 1820s, and is home to deities like Xuan Tian Shang Di, Mazu and Zhu Sheng Niang Niang, who is believed to bless couples with children.
Asked if they would be praying to Zhu Sheng Niang Niang for a baby, Mr Mah said: “Right after this.”
- wong chee tat :)
Monday, May 30, 2016
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Friday, April 8, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Monday, January 18, 2016
Thursday, November 12, 2015
扮女人潜入女汤 游日中国男被捕
扮女人潜入女汤 游日中国男被捕
2015-11-10 19:52:40
日本近年成为中国旅客的旅游热点！中国一名男游客近日到日本和歌山县旅行时，竟扮成女人，潜入女宾专用的露天温泉浴场，其间因举止可疑被人识穿，最终遭警员当场擒获。他事后辩称，因听闻女浴场的风景很美，故冒险进入女浴场自拍。
案发和歌山县白滨町，被捕的36岁男子夏良（XiaLiang，译音）上周五（6日）抵达日本。日警方表示，夏男当地时间8日上午10时半男扮女装进入公共温泉「崎之汤」。
称女浴场风景美用自拍神器拍照
夏良身穿红色浴衣、头戴棕色长假发、涂口红和指甲油，假扮成女人潜入女浴场。他在浴室脱衣服后，用大毛巾包住身体，随后进入露天浴场，用自拍神器和智能手机拍照。两名女客人发觉他举止可疑，于是通知温泉职员。
警方随即到场，男子依入侵罪被捕。他被警方问话时辩称，因听闻女浴场外面的风景十分漂亮，为了拍照才铤而走险。警方调查男子手机，手机内没有找到拍到女客人浸温泉的照片。夏男还有一名女性友人一同旅游，案发时女友人在旅馆没有同行。
曾到访和歌山的港人Paul表示，去年6月与家人一同到当地旅游，当时在白滨停留多日，入住的酒店本身有温泉，而温泉分开男女汤，男女分别在不同的门口进入温泉。他表示，客人入场后，柜台职员会提供一条小毛巾，客人将脱下的衣物放入储物柜，只可使用所提供的小毛巾。他说，客人要在更衣区脱光冲身，之后才能浸温泉，而该名男子能避开职员及客人的视线，顺利走到浴场令人匪夷所思。
中国游客倍增质素差劣
近年由于日圆贬值加上日本开放旅游签证，触发中国客游日热潮。当地政府近日公布访日游客数据，2015年上半年访日游客比去年增加一倍，预计全年的客流或可达1,800万人，其中以中国游客量最大，9月为383万人，比去年同期多近一倍。日本经济学家大前研一认为，日本作为中国的近距国，比起欧美等国，有更大优势成为吸引中国回头客的地点。但中国旅客质素较差，形象大打折扣。
- wong chee tat :)
2015-11-10 19:52:40
日本近年成为中国旅客的旅游热点！中国一名男游客近日到日本和歌山县旅行时，竟扮成女人，潜入女宾专用的露天温泉浴场，其间因举止可疑被人识穿，最终遭警员当场擒获。他事后辩称，因听闻女浴场的风景很美，故冒险进入女浴场自拍。
案发和歌山县白滨町，被捕的36岁男子夏良（XiaLiang，译音）上周五（6日）抵达日本。日警方表示，夏男当地时间8日上午10时半男扮女装进入公共温泉「崎之汤」。
称女浴场风景美用自拍神器拍照
夏良身穿红色浴衣、头戴棕色长假发、涂口红和指甲油，假扮成女人潜入女浴场。他在浴室脱衣服后，用大毛巾包住身体，随后进入露天浴场，用自拍神器和智能手机拍照。两名女客人发觉他举止可疑，于是通知温泉职员。
警方随即到场，男子依入侵罪被捕。他被警方问话时辩称，因听闻女浴场外面的风景十分漂亮，为了拍照才铤而走险。警方调查男子手机，手机内没有找到拍到女客人浸温泉的照片。夏男还有一名女性友人一同旅游，案发时女友人在旅馆没有同行。
曾到访和歌山的港人Paul表示，去年6月与家人一同到当地旅游，当时在白滨停留多日，入住的酒店本身有温泉，而温泉分开男女汤，男女分别在不同的门口进入温泉。他表示，客人入场后，柜台职员会提供一条小毛巾，客人将脱下的衣物放入储物柜，只可使用所提供的小毛巾。他说，客人要在更衣区脱光冲身，之后才能浸温泉，而该名男子能避开职员及客人的视线，顺利走到浴场令人匪夷所思。
中国游客倍增质素差劣
近年由于日圆贬值加上日本开放旅游签证，触发中国客游日热潮。当地政府近日公布访日游客数据，2015年上半年访日游客比去年增加一倍，预计全年的客流或可达1,800万人，其中以中国游客量最大，9月为383万人，比去年同期多近一倍。日本经济学家大前研一认为，日本作为中国的近距国，比起欧美等国，有更大优势成为吸引中国回头客的地点。但中国旅客质素较差，形象大打折扣。
- wong chee tat :)
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
老鼠不再愛大米
你离开之后我要自己走
放开手不回头
窗外的云不停留
雨季快来到梦被吹着走
我的爱你不懂
爱情就像个黑洞
痛过之后要学会照顾自己
过去的忘记了
不再为你费心机
昏暗的路灯显得很孤寂
不要紧没关系
我要好好活下去
该忘记的忘记都当成回忆
说好了不哭泣
滑落泪水慢慢滴
有那么一天我已经失忆
就象老鼠忘了自己
曾经爱大米
- wong chee tat :)
Sunday, August 2, 2015
My husband and I haven't had sex in years -- and I got this shocking reply when I asked why
My husband and I haven't had sex in years -- and I got this shocking reply when I asked why
Posted on 02 August 2015
PHOTO: ST
Jessica Chu
Simply Her
31 July 2015
Stay-at-home mum Angie*, 38, has not had sex with her husband for three years - and she can't figure out why he doesn't want to. She shares her story with JESSICA CHU.
*Names have been changed
My close friends were surprised when I told them that my husband, Lawrence*, and I have not been intimate with each other in about three years. On the outside, Lawrence and I look like the perfect couple but behind closed doors, we are like strangers.
"Lawrence is a wonderful father to our two sons, aged nine and six. He spends a lot of time with them when he's not working and does everything to make sure they have a comfortable life.
Our blissful years
"Lawrence and I met about 11 years ago. A close friend introduced us and we hit it off right away. Back then, I wasn't thinking about marriage or even a long-term relationship. Lawrence seemed like a nice guy and I was happy to hang out with him as a friend.
"He says that he fell in love with me the minute he laid eyes on me, and knew within weeks that he wanted to marry me. He was already in his mid-30s and was eager to start a family. It took me a while to agree to marry him, but when I did - about a year after our first meeting - I believed that I'd made the right decision. I'd fallen in love with Lawrence and, like him, I was also keen to have children.
"The first few years of our marriage were wonderful. I got pregnant within a year and had my second son three years later. Those early years were spent taking care of the kids, working part-time as a private tutor and holidaying overseas whenever we could. Lawrence and I enjoyed a healthy, loving marriage - he was generous, romantic and attentive, and I took care of him the way I thought a good wife should. Everything was fine in the bedroom, and we made love about twice a week.
Stuck in a sex rut
"About three years ago, I noticed that Lawrence and I were not as intimate as we used to be. At first, I brushed it off . After all, I was busy with our boys and Lawrence was tired from working a lot. But even when our sons had sleepovers at their friends' houses or I accompanied Lawrence on a work trip - where we would leave the boys behind so we could enjoy quality time together - we did not have sex.
"I'd lie in bed waiting for Lawrence to make a move, but he would just spoon me or turn to his side and go straight to sleep. I was hurt and confused at first - was he not attracted to me anymore? But I figured that it was something all married couples went through. "After two months of not having sex, I knew something was wrong. Still, I didn't confront Lawrence about it. One of my friends told me that perhaps Lawrence wanted me to take the initiative, so I did. I bought some lingerie to wear to bed, but Lawrence laughed when he saw me in it, told me I looked silly and said to take it off . I was definitely not expecting that response! I went to sleep that night, upset and embarrassed.
"In the months that followed, I tried everything to get Lawrence to have sex with me - short of talking to him about it. I fondled and caressed him, planted sexy kisses on his lips and offered to massage him to get the ball rolling. Nothing worked. He would gently push my hands away, smile and tell me that he was tired.
Strangers in the bedroom
"After trying in vain for a few months, I finally asked Lawrence why he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. His response? 'Just because we're married, it doesn't mean we have to have sex'. I was floored. This was the man who could not get enough of me when we first met. When I suggested couples counselling, he laughed and told me we didn't have a problem. When I told him that sex is important to a marriage, he waved his hand at me and told me that I watched too many Hollywood movies.
"I started to resent my husband, but can you blame me? Needless to say, my frustration with him in the bedroom extended outside the bedroom. I stopped telling him about my day and sharing my feelings with him. Our conversations were reduced to matters concerning the children, our respective families, our helper, and the house.
"I know that Lawrence is still physically attracted to me because he wolf-whistles at me when I doll up for a night on the town with my girlfriends. He also tells me that I'm a beautiful woman and that he loves me. So what gives with the lack of sex? I can't figure it out.
"He refuses to talk to me about it, and the more I push him for answers, the more I feel like a loser. I'm not the confrontational sort and I don't want to be one of those desperate wives who has to beg her husband to be intimate with her. "I used to cry over the lack of sex, but I've grown accustomed to the rejection. If Lawrence wants to be this way, fine. As long as he's a good father and provider, and as long as he doesn't have an extramarital aff air, I will continue to stay with him.
"I always thought men had higher sex drives than women. So I'm not sure how to explain this situation with my husband. I'm pretty sure he isn't cheating on me - so how does he handle his urges?
Hoping against hope
"I don't know how long this dry spell will last or whether it is permanent. As far as I know, I've done my part to address the problem. If Lawrence doesn't even want to admit that we have a problem, what else can I do? "Not having been intimate with my husband for so long has made me feel distant from him, like I don't know him anymore. I miss that connection you get when you have sex with someone you love. I miss his strong arms around me and the pleasure that comes from feeling his body on top of mine.
"My sister joked that maybe I should have a lover on the side to fulfil my sexual needs, but I'm committed to Lawrence. Besides, I don't want to do anything that would make my sons hate me. "It's hard to say what kind of marriage Lawrence and I have now. It feels like we're only connected to each other as parents. Without the sex, he feels more like a brother or a buddy to me now.
"I can only hope and pray that things turn around for us. I pray that one day, Lawrence will reach for me in bed, take me in his arms and make mad, passionate love to me, the way we used to. I pray that we'll go back to having sex once or twice a week. Until then, I guess I will have to live with being in a sexless marriage."
- wong chee tat :)
Posted on 02 August 2015
PHOTO: ST
Jessica Chu
Simply Her
31 July 2015
Stay-at-home mum Angie*, 38, has not had sex with her husband for three years - and she can't figure out why he doesn't want to. She shares her story with JESSICA CHU.
*Names have been changed
My close friends were surprised when I told them that my husband, Lawrence*, and I have not been intimate with each other in about three years. On the outside, Lawrence and I look like the perfect couple but behind closed doors, we are like strangers.
"Lawrence is a wonderful father to our two sons, aged nine and six. He spends a lot of time with them when he's not working and does everything to make sure they have a comfortable life.
Our blissful years
"Lawrence and I met about 11 years ago. A close friend introduced us and we hit it off right away. Back then, I wasn't thinking about marriage or even a long-term relationship. Lawrence seemed like a nice guy and I was happy to hang out with him as a friend.
"He says that he fell in love with me the minute he laid eyes on me, and knew within weeks that he wanted to marry me. He was already in his mid-30s and was eager to start a family. It took me a while to agree to marry him, but when I did - about a year after our first meeting - I believed that I'd made the right decision. I'd fallen in love with Lawrence and, like him, I was also keen to have children.
"The first few years of our marriage were wonderful. I got pregnant within a year and had my second son three years later. Those early years were spent taking care of the kids, working part-time as a private tutor and holidaying overseas whenever we could. Lawrence and I enjoyed a healthy, loving marriage - he was generous, romantic and attentive, and I took care of him the way I thought a good wife should. Everything was fine in the bedroom, and we made love about twice a week.
Stuck in a sex rut
"About three years ago, I noticed that Lawrence and I were not as intimate as we used to be. At first, I brushed it off . After all, I was busy with our boys and Lawrence was tired from working a lot. But even when our sons had sleepovers at their friends' houses or I accompanied Lawrence on a work trip - where we would leave the boys behind so we could enjoy quality time together - we did not have sex.
"I'd lie in bed waiting for Lawrence to make a move, but he would just spoon me or turn to his side and go straight to sleep. I was hurt and confused at first - was he not attracted to me anymore? But I figured that it was something all married couples went through. "After two months of not having sex, I knew something was wrong. Still, I didn't confront Lawrence about it. One of my friends told me that perhaps Lawrence wanted me to take the initiative, so I did. I bought some lingerie to wear to bed, but Lawrence laughed when he saw me in it, told me I looked silly and said to take it off . I was definitely not expecting that response! I went to sleep that night, upset and embarrassed.
"In the months that followed, I tried everything to get Lawrence to have sex with me - short of talking to him about it. I fondled and caressed him, planted sexy kisses on his lips and offered to massage him to get the ball rolling. Nothing worked. He would gently push my hands away, smile and tell me that he was tired.
Strangers in the bedroom
"After trying in vain for a few months, I finally asked Lawrence why he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. His response? 'Just because we're married, it doesn't mean we have to have sex'. I was floored. This was the man who could not get enough of me when we first met. When I suggested couples counselling, he laughed and told me we didn't have a problem. When I told him that sex is important to a marriage, he waved his hand at me and told me that I watched too many Hollywood movies.
"I started to resent my husband, but can you blame me? Needless to say, my frustration with him in the bedroom extended outside the bedroom. I stopped telling him about my day and sharing my feelings with him. Our conversations were reduced to matters concerning the children, our respective families, our helper, and the house.
"I know that Lawrence is still physically attracted to me because he wolf-whistles at me when I doll up for a night on the town with my girlfriends. He also tells me that I'm a beautiful woman and that he loves me. So what gives with the lack of sex? I can't figure it out.
"He refuses to talk to me about it, and the more I push him for answers, the more I feel like a loser. I'm not the confrontational sort and I don't want to be one of those desperate wives who has to beg her husband to be intimate with her. "I used to cry over the lack of sex, but I've grown accustomed to the rejection. If Lawrence wants to be this way, fine. As long as he's a good father and provider, and as long as he doesn't have an extramarital aff air, I will continue to stay with him.
"I always thought men had higher sex drives than women. So I'm not sure how to explain this situation with my husband. I'm pretty sure he isn't cheating on me - so how does he handle his urges?
Hoping against hope
"I don't know how long this dry spell will last or whether it is permanent. As far as I know, I've done my part to address the problem. If Lawrence doesn't even want to admit that we have a problem, what else can I do? "Not having been intimate with my husband for so long has made me feel distant from him, like I don't know him anymore. I miss that connection you get when you have sex with someone you love. I miss his strong arms around me and the pleasure that comes from feeling his body on top of mine.
"My sister joked that maybe I should have a lover on the side to fulfil my sexual needs, but I'm committed to Lawrence. Besides, I don't want to do anything that would make my sons hate me. "It's hard to say what kind of marriage Lawrence and I have now. It feels like we're only connected to each other as parents. Without the sex, he feels more like a brother or a buddy to me now.
"I can only hope and pray that things turn around for us. I pray that one day, Lawrence will reach for me in bed, take me in his arms and make mad, passionate love to me, the way we used to. I pray that we'll go back to having sex once or twice a week. Until then, I guess I will have to live with being in a sexless marriage."
- wong chee tat :)
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
More getting married, fewer getting divorced in Singapore
More getting married, fewer getting divorced in Singapore
However, many are choosing to marry later, with 30-34 years old now the peak age group for marriages, according to the annual Department of Statistics report on statistics on marriages and divorces. One in five marriages is now inter-ethnic.
POSTED: 29 Jul 2015 10:54 UPDATED: 29 Jul 2015 15:04
SINGAPORE: The number of marriages in Singapore rose 8.2 per cent last year compared to 2013, while the number of divorces and annulments fell 2.9 per cent, according to Department of Statistics (Singstat) data released on Wednesday (Jul 29).
However, many are choosing to marry later, according to the annual report on statistics on marriages and divorces. One in five marriages conducted is now inter-ethnic.
Singstat said a total of 28,407 marriages were registered in 2014, comprising 22,863 civil marriages and 5,544 Muslim marriages. This was up from the 26,254 total marriages registered the previous year.
Still, many are choosing to marry later, with marriage rates among those below 30 years old lower in 2014 compared to a decade ago, while the opposite trend was observed for those aged 30 years and above.
The peak age group for females marrying has shifted from 25-29 years old in 2004 to 30-34 years old in 2014, according to the data. For males, the peak age group remained unchanged at 30-34 years old.
The median age for marrying rose from 29.4 years old in 2004 to 30.2 years old for grooms in 2014, and from 26.7 years old to 28.2 years old for brides.
Inter-ethnic marriages have become more common, making up 20.4 per cent of marriages last year, up from 13.1 per cent in 2004.
More men are also marrying women with equal or higher educational qualifications. The proportion of university-educated grooms marrying brides with the same qualification rose from 71.9 per cent in 2004 to 80.9 per cent in 2014 for civil marriages, and from 48.9 per cent to 57 per cent for Muslim marriages.
FEWER DIVORCES, ANNULMENTS
A total of 7,307 marriages were dissolved last year, either through divorces or annulments – down 2.9 per cent from the 7,525 dissolutions in the previous year.
The decline was mainly due to a drop in the number of civil marital dissolutions from 5,863 in 2013 to 5,618 in 2014. The number of Muslim divorces remained comparable during the same period at 1,662 and 1,689, respectively.
The median age at divorce rose in the last 10 years, with males getting divorced at the median age of 42.6 and females at 38.4 last year, up from 39 years and 35.3 years, respectively, in 2004.
The median marriage duration for divorces in 2014 was 10.4 years, up from 9.2 years in 2004. Among civil divorces, couples who were married for 5 to 9 years consistently accounted for the largest group (30.5 per cent) in 2014, followed by those who were married for 20 years or longer (21.2 per cent).
Among civil divorces in 2014, the top two main reasons for divorce were “unreasonable behaviour” (51.9 per cent) and “having lived apart or separated for three years or more” (44.8 per cent). Female plaintiffs constituted the majority (62.9 per cent) of civil divorces last year.
Among Muslim divorces, “infidelity or extra-marital affair” (21.9 per cent) was the top reason given for divorce in 2014. This was followed by “financial problems” (15.7 per cent) and “desertion” (11.8 per cent).
In 2014, there were 446 annulments, up from the 392 annulments in 2013 (13.8 per cent increase). The median duration of marriages that were annulled in 2014 was 1.9 years, a marginal increase from 1.8 years in 2011 to 2013.
- CNA/cy
- wong chee tat :)
However, many are choosing to marry later, with 30-34 years old now the peak age group for marriages, according to the annual Department of Statistics report on statistics on marriages and divorces. One in five marriages is now inter-ethnic.
POSTED: 29 Jul 2015 10:54 UPDATED: 29 Jul 2015 15:04
SINGAPORE: The number of marriages in Singapore rose 8.2 per cent last year compared to 2013, while the number of divorces and annulments fell 2.9 per cent, according to Department of Statistics (Singstat) data released on Wednesday (Jul 29).
However, many are choosing to marry later, according to the annual report on statistics on marriages and divorces. One in five marriages conducted is now inter-ethnic.
Singstat said a total of 28,407 marriages were registered in 2014, comprising 22,863 civil marriages and 5,544 Muslim marriages. This was up from the 26,254 total marriages registered the previous year.
Still, many are choosing to marry later, with marriage rates among those below 30 years old lower in 2014 compared to a decade ago, while the opposite trend was observed for those aged 30 years and above.
The peak age group for females marrying has shifted from 25-29 years old in 2004 to 30-34 years old in 2014, according to the data. For males, the peak age group remained unchanged at 30-34 years old.
The median age for marrying rose from 29.4 years old in 2004 to 30.2 years old for grooms in 2014, and from 26.7 years old to 28.2 years old for brides.
Inter-ethnic marriages have become more common, making up 20.4 per cent of marriages last year, up from 13.1 per cent in 2004.
More men are also marrying women with equal or higher educational qualifications. The proportion of university-educated grooms marrying brides with the same qualification rose from 71.9 per cent in 2004 to 80.9 per cent in 2014 for civil marriages, and from 48.9 per cent to 57 per cent for Muslim marriages.
FEWER DIVORCES, ANNULMENTS
A total of 7,307 marriages were dissolved last year, either through divorces or annulments – down 2.9 per cent from the 7,525 dissolutions in the previous year.
The decline was mainly due to a drop in the number of civil marital dissolutions from 5,863 in 2013 to 5,618 in 2014. The number of Muslim divorces remained comparable during the same period at 1,662 and 1,689, respectively.
The median age at divorce rose in the last 10 years, with males getting divorced at the median age of 42.6 and females at 38.4 last year, up from 39 years and 35.3 years, respectively, in 2004.
The median marriage duration for divorces in 2014 was 10.4 years, up from 9.2 years in 2004. Among civil divorces, couples who were married for 5 to 9 years consistently accounted for the largest group (30.5 per cent) in 2014, followed by those who were married for 20 years or longer (21.2 per cent).
Among civil divorces in 2014, the top two main reasons for divorce were “unreasonable behaviour” (51.9 per cent) and “having lived apart or separated for three years or more” (44.8 per cent). Female plaintiffs constituted the majority (62.9 per cent) of civil divorces last year.
Among Muslim divorces, “infidelity or extra-marital affair” (21.9 per cent) was the top reason given for divorce in 2014. This was followed by “financial problems” (15.7 per cent) and “desertion” (11.8 per cent).
In 2014, there were 446 annulments, up from the 392 annulments in 2013 (13.8 per cent increase). The median duration of marriages that were annulled in 2014 was 1.9 years, a marginal increase from 1.8 years in 2011 to 2013.
- CNA/cy
- wong chee tat :)
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Men dare not date her
Men dare not date her
Ng Ping Ping, 37, says part of the reason she is single is because she is tall, especially in heels, and guys have told her they feel scared to approach her.
The number of singles, aged 35 and older, has spiked in the past 10 years. Life asks singles such as Ms Ng Ping Ping, 37, about their dating lives
By Venessa Lee
Ms Ng Ping Ping, 37, says that among other things, men are most intimidated by her height.
At 1.71m tall, the Asia-Pacific sales manager for a haircare range is usually in five-inch heels.
"Heels make me feel more well-dressed. It's a bit of a power thing for me," she says, adding that she feels she has a palpable presence when she walks into a meeting or makes a presentation in heels.
"I'm quite an alpha female: I'm confident, assertive," she says. "Very seldom does anyone come up to talk to me when my friends and I go out for drinks."
Her guy friends have told her they would be afraid to approach her.
"A male friend told me, 'I feel sorry for people like you. You're good- looking, with a good career. Our egos are too big to approach someone like you, we don't want to be rejected,'" she says.
A male friend told me, 'I feel sorry for people like you. You're good-looking, with a good career. Our egos are too big to approach someone like you, we don't want to be rejected.'''
MS NG PING PING, 37, who has been single for about three years
Although she has been single for about three years, being "old school", she does not actively look for dates and prefers to be introduced to friends of friends who can verify if anyone has a bad track record in relationships.
She finds it hard to meet men through work as most of her career has been in retail, especially in women-dominated fashion retail.
Although she does not "need a guy to pay for me because I can pay for myself", she would like him to share similar interests.
"He should be able to enjoy the kind of lifestyle I lead and make me laugh," she says.
"I eat well, drink well and travel well."
She appreciates fine tipples such as 18-year-old Glenfiddich whisky, and enjoys staying at "good resorts" where she is particular about how comfortable the bed and sheets are.
Because she "doesn't want to be running after kids at 50", she is glad to play with her four-year-old nephew for half an hour each time, before returning him to her elder sister, 40, who works in the conventions and exhibitions industry.
Her last relationship of seven years with an Australian oil and gas executive, who was based in Kuala Lumpur like she was in recent years, ended because "our characters were too strong".
She is looking for mutual strength and support in a relationship, where she and her partner can "take turns to be alpha".
- See more at: http://www.straitstimes.com/lifestyle/men-dare-not-date-her#sthash.fQQFE9CI.dpuf
- wong chee tat :)
Ng Ping Ping, 37, says part of the reason she is single is because she is tall, especially in heels, and guys have told her they feel scared to approach her.
The number of singles, aged 35 and older, has spiked in the past 10 years. Life asks singles such as Ms Ng Ping Ping, 37, about their dating lives
By Venessa Lee
Ms Ng Ping Ping, 37, says that among other things, men are most intimidated by her height.
At 1.71m tall, the Asia-Pacific sales manager for a haircare range is usually in five-inch heels.
"Heels make me feel more well-dressed. It's a bit of a power thing for me," she says, adding that she feels she has a palpable presence when she walks into a meeting or makes a presentation in heels.
"I'm quite an alpha female: I'm confident, assertive," she says. "Very seldom does anyone come up to talk to me when my friends and I go out for drinks."
Her guy friends have told her they would be afraid to approach her.
"A male friend told me, 'I feel sorry for people like you. You're good- looking, with a good career. Our egos are too big to approach someone like you, we don't want to be rejected,'" she says.
A male friend told me, 'I feel sorry for people like you. You're good-looking, with a good career. Our egos are too big to approach someone like you, we don't want to be rejected.'''
MS NG PING PING, 37, who has been single for about three years
Although she has been single for about three years, being "old school", she does not actively look for dates and prefers to be introduced to friends of friends who can verify if anyone has a bad track record in relationships.
She finds it hard to meet men through work as most of her career has been in retail, especially in women-dominated fashion retail.
Although she does not "need a guy to pay for me because I can pay for myself", she would like him to share similar interests.
"He should be able to enjoy the kind of lifestyle I lead and make me laugh," she says.
"I eat well, drink well and travel well."
She appreciates fine tipples such as 18-year-old Glenfiddich whisky, and enjoys staying at "good resorts" where she is particular about how comfortable the bed and sheets are.
Because she "doesn't want to be running after kids at 50", she is glad to play with her four-year-old nephew for half an hour each time, before returning him to her elder sister, 40, who works in the conventions and exhibitions industry.
Her last relationship of seven years with an Australian oil and gas executive, who was based in Kuala Lumpur like she was in recent years, ended because "our characters were too strong".
She is looking for mutual strength and support in a relationship, where she and her partner can "take turns to be alpha".
- See more at: http://www.straitstimes.com/lifestyle/men-dare-not-date-her#sthash.fQQFE9CI.dpuf
- wong chee tat :)
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Nearly 14,700 foreign spouses on long-term visit passes in Singapore
Nearly 14,700 foreign spouses on long-term visit passes in Singapore
Deputy Prime Minister Teo Chee Hean gave this update, after NCMP Gerald Giam asked in Parliament how many foreign spouses of Singapore citizens have social visit passes, Long Term Visit Passes and an immigration status.
SINGAPORE: As of Dec 31, 2014, there were 14,694 foreign spouses in Singapore on a Long Term Visit Pass (LTVP) or a Long Term Visit Pass-Plus (LTVP+).
Deputy Prime Minister Teo Chee Hean gave this update in written parliamentary reply on Thursday (Jan 29) to a query from Non-Constituency Member of Parliament Gerald Giam. Mr Giam had asked about the number of foreign spouses who have social visit passes, LTVP and an immigration status which makes them ineligible to work in Singapore.
Mr Teo, who is also the Home Affairs Minister and Coordinating Minister for National Security, said details on the number of foreign spouses who enter Singapore as social visitors is not available. He said the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority does not track this statistic.
- CNA/xk
- wong chee tat :)
Deputy Prime Minister Teo Chee Hean gave this update, after NCMP Gerald Giam asked in Parliament how many foreign spouses of Singapore citizens have social visit passes, Long Term Visit Passes and an immigration status.
SINGAPORE: As of Dec 31, 2014, there were 14,694 foreign spouses in Singapore on a Long Term Visit Pass (LTVP) or a Long Term Visit Pass-Plus (LTVP+).
Deputy Prime Minister Teo Chee Hean gave this update in written parliamentary reply on Thursday (Jan 29) to a query from Non-Constituency Member of Parliament Gerald Giam. Mr Giam had asked about the number of foreign spouses who have social visit passes, LTVP and an immigration status which makes them ineligible to work in Singapore.
Mr Teo, who is also the Home Affairs Minister and Coordinating Minister for National Security, said details on the number of foreign spouses who enter Singapore as social visitors is not available. He said the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority does not track this statistic.
- CNA/xk
- wong chee tat :)
Friday, January 16, 2015
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