04:46 AM Oct 16, 2011
I'm a very visual person and not vulnerable to sweet talk and flattery in general.
However, when a guy I've just started dating says certain things, on a subconscious level, I feel myself falling for him (despite myself) and putting up with his many flaws.
I admit that I get lulled by the promise of the kind of man he is, by the things he says. I'm going to share what they are, although it exposes the frailty of our feminine nature. Because when they're delivered with honesty and the best of intentions, it can clarify both your values and goals at the start of the relationship.
And these are really simple things that many guys don't realise have such an effect on women. You just need to say them regularly.
For starters, women love being complimented with sincerity. When he says, "You're so beautiful", what stops my instinct from going, "Oh, he says that to all the women", is when he follows up with specific details like, "That dress makes your waist look small", "Your hair looks so nice, did you do something different today?" or "Your skin is glowing".
That implies that he's looking at me attentively, instead of glossing over me and making the obligatory "hmm, that's nice" remark. And that he appreciates the finer details about me - it's about making us feel unique.
And please don't perve at specific body parts, like, "Wah, your boobs look damn big." You can compliment us on how sexy our legs or our curves are but, remember, some verbal finesse goes a long way.
It's also complimenting us on our achievements too. "You're a smart woman" and "You're really good at what you do", expressed with admiration and not intimidation, shows us you're a confident man and you want us to do well. You appreciate not only the effort we make to look nice but our intelligence, skills and talents.
Also, when you simply say, "How was your day?" or "How are things with your difficult boss/colleague/sister?", we feel that you truly care about our emotional well-being too and that you remember the things that troubled us. Feeling that you want to listen and be involved in our internal turmoil means you really want us to be happy. A woman who is assured that he would like to make her happy, is indeed a happy one.
Also, when he says "You make me feel so relaxed" (if he's usually stressed by work or family); "You make me feel so inspired" (if he's going through a bleak time); or "You make me want to be a better man" (this is the clincher for any time). To know that I have such a profound and positive impact on your well-being warms the cockles of my heart. You've acknowledged that the effect I have on you goes beyond the physical level. Therefore, I now want to open my heart to giving you more positivity.
Verbalising a future commitment is powerful too. Like, "What are you doing on New Year's Eve? Want to count down together?" or "Would you like to go to my friend's Christmas party?" I like the reassurance that you see me in your near future, especially if you want to book me for your special occasions.
An even better clincher is to look fondly at other people's kids and proclaim that you like kids or you're good with kids. It's not that we want to procreate with you immediately but we like to know that the man is not going to run screaming at the thought of being surrounded by children. It signals to us that he likes the family vibe, is looking to settle down and does not have commitment phobia.
Then there are some phrases that men think will seal the deal, but we're the fairer and smarter breed, so we can sniff out the lies.
We're suspicious of things like, "You're the prettiest among all your friends/sisters/colleagues." If any of the women is clearly a stunner, then this has to be handled with more skill, like, "Some guys might think Wendy is a looker but she's not my type at all. You definitely are."
Please don't ever gawk that, "Wah, your friend Wendy is damn hot." Ever.
"I won't ever cheat on you" is another lie. Unless you continue that with, "I'll fall in love with another girl in five years' time and she'll call you Mummy". Now that's super smooth and that will so seal the deal.
Georgina Chang is the senior creative director for Lush and 987FM, and the co-host for Lush Mornings on Thursdays 7-10am.
- wong chee tat :)
